On a Personal Note

In today’s op-ed, I would like to touch on a subject that I have in the past many times over: relationships and dating.

For you today, I do not have much in the way of new research, but I do have a personal note. Truthfully, this would be an effort at sympathizing with everyone in the world who dates. As I’ve stated before on this blog, dating is not a frequent activity for me, so once again, when I again went through the many signals, the feeling of hope for a relationship, and yet the eventual end, I had to realize that everyone else goes through this as well.

When I was speaking to a friend of mine last week that informed me of the amount of people he had to see before he met and started seeing the woman who would eventually be his wife, I breathed deeply in dread. The sheer effort that goes through continuously finding people whom you don’t like, or whom don’t like you is astonishing. I find it difficult for anyone out there who would not want to fool themselves into thinking they have dated more people than they really have so that they could inflate the number and psyche themselves into thinking “Statistically, the next one has a high chance of being the one.”

My married friends tell me that the rollercoaster of emotions does not get any easier because every relationship has its own share of emotional highs and lows. Nevertheless, what keeps a relationship together is good times far outweigh the bad.

Still, some relationships end (for good or bad reasons) because enduring it simply costs too much, either emotionally or otherwise, and the cost of disappointing someone ends up being trivial.

However, we all go through this together, including those that have to do the “dumping.” In fact, since most people believe in free will, this person who has to dump someone probably thinks to themselves that they have control over how that person is going to feel through the choice of ending the relationship, or not. I can imagine this is a burden no one would want to carry.

But who is letting go of whom? I recently spoke to my “masters degree in communication” friend Kevin on an unidentified communication theory that describes six perceptions of self:

• The me that I am

• The me that I think am

• The me that others think I am

• The me that I think others think I am

• The me that others think I think others think I am

• The me that I think others think of what others think I think I am.

So, not only are we dealing with another person, but we are dealing with our own perceptions of self and others. That is to say, even who I think I am, is not who I actually am. If this confuses you, don’t worry because hardly anyone thinks of this while they date, not even communications majors. A long story short, if you are perceived to carry a personality trait that you may or may not actually have, it does not matter; you may as well have it.

For example, if you have not had a date in years, and your timidity and nervousness are there for the sole reason of inexperience, your date may perceive your nervousness as an overall deficiency of your personality. Those are unfortunately, the breaks. Don’t believe me? Then why have men come up with silly rules such as, “Don’t call until two days are the first date”? These rules exist for the perception of power. What can be seen from this is that the power of perception truly lives, and if Scott Ginsberg has anything to say about it, you better know how to sell yourself, and do it quickly. In dating, it does not matter who you are, but who others think you are.

But for those of you who do what you can with whom you are as honestly as possible, it’s tough, I know, but you will get through it, and I certainly still believe that the free market of dating will take care of everyone in the end.

Social Networking Sites Still Make Me Anxious

Why am I still weary of MySpace and other social networking sites? Well, this article certainly doesn’t help matters. The takeaway:

The new figures Cooper announced Tuesday include only those offenders who created MySpace profiles using their real names, according to a document given to state lawmakers. But officials believe there could be more offenders using the site, possibly under fake names.

This article doesn’t help my confidence in having a face book profile either.

Ben Casnocha stated the ease of use in keeping tabs via face book thusly:

I'm fascinated to see what happens as my age demographic moves into college and then the workforce. Facebook reached the masses when we were in high school. We went to college with at least 200 existing weak ties from high school classmates, and in college we'll accumulate probably twice as many. By the time I graduate in 2011, I expect my average college friend will have at least 500 connections on a service like Facebook that are legitimate (i.e., genuine weak ties that resulted from some shared experience or interaction).

500 connections to people you went to school with. 500 people for whom you remember their name and interests with a little help from a social network. 500 people for whom you have updated contact information, location, and career status. At age 22. Society, in other words, is going to be flooded with the most networked generation ever.

Obviously, there are tremendous benefits to social networking. I mean, really, it is just so easy. Then again, the more people there are in the network, the more targets there are for identity theft. That is, unless you take out your birthday, you make your profile private, and you are selective of whom your online friends are. And if they really are your friends, then they should know most of the important stuff anyway.

I will admit that I am not the most thick-skinned individual, and with that in mind, to receive an invitation from someone you have cut ties with is one item I dread to come upon. But it has happened to my own friends (the real ones whom I speak to, not the online ones). My friends have relayed stories with me in which someone from their past puts in a “friend request” as they ponder to themselves, “They don’t remember what they did to me?”

But clicking a button is another easy thing about online social networking and online dating. The sheer ease and minute marginal cost to click a button in order to make a request for friendship or a date is most likely impossible to resist. Unless, you’re like me, and you abhor rejection no matter what the medium. One of my favorite lines in this regard is from the movie, You’ve Got Mail, in which case Scott Zahn’s character states, “As far as I'm concerned, the Internet is just another way to be rejected by a woman.”

While my good “masters degree in communications” friend Kevin would most likely explain that people might differ in how they participate online as opposed to the terrestrial reality I like to interact in, I still think that if you’re timid in the real world, a lot of that timidity would transfer to your “online persona”, unless you are lying, of course, to yourself and to others.

Forget Using Commas - No Need to Pause

In The Washington Post, Robert Samuelson bids the comma a farewell, for which, even I will miss it along with other activities where we get to take a pause in life.

The takeaway:

It is true that Americans have always been in a hurry. In "Democracy in America" (1840), Alexis de Tocqueville has a famous passage noting the "feverish ardor" with which Americans pursue material gains and private pleasures. What's distinctive about our era, I think, is that new technologies and astonishing prosperity give us the chance to slacken the pace. Perish the thought. In some ways, it seems, we Americans have actually become more frantic.

This reminds me of how I touched on the same subject earlier here.

In my experience, not being married or having children, it still takes time to write a twice per week blog/op-ed while having my day job, and other personal hobbies. Our technology has given us the ability to be engaged in so many other activities and interests that it is easy to spread yourself thin. And if you book yourself with a well thought out schedule, you still might get burned out.

While I took a break from writing a month ago, I was still working my day job. And further to the point, please think about your friends and family who go on vacation. When there is a family involved, it becomes almost impossible to make it a “real vacation.” Let Scott Adams (creator, writer, and producer of everything Dilbert) explain:

So Plan B went into effect, and that meant continuously trying to figure out how to entertain eight very different people, ages 6 to 79, without everyone going their own way and defeating the purpose of the trip. It was like solving a Rubik’s Cube seven times a day.

Several of us have difficult preferences to satisfy. For example, I can’t be in the sun for more than ten seconds without bursting into flames. I fall sound asleep in any darkened theater. I’m a vegetarian, I require shaded temperatures between 68 and 75 degrees and continuous access to the Internet. Now throw the other seven freaks of nature into the equation and try to optimize everyone’s happiness without generating a slap fight. It can’t be done.

I still chuckle whenever I read that. I assume that at some point when I get too busy, I’ll have to discontinue this blog, but until then I have still have time to comment on the news, academic working papers from economists, and some of my other hobbies. I can only hope that the populace continues to have the time to do the things it needs to in order for their lives to be fulfilling. And in the end, that really does require a pause.

Will Zeallor Explains Paris Hilton

My friend and former peer, Will, with the most thorough and educated review of Paris Hilton.

The takeaway:

Above all else, Paris is the perfect narcissist. Current psychology holds that a narcissist is like a balloon: shiny, colorful, ever-expanding, and completely hollow on the inside.

On Having Been a Resident Assistant

Below is a response to a friend of mine about my experience and opinion on having been a Resident Assistant.

The year I became a resident assistant I actually volunteered to be part of a study with Dr. Robert Longwell-Grice of the University of Wisconsin – Milwaukee. Dr. Longwell-Grice was working on a project that at its core to me was about why a student wants to become a Resident Assistant, and then at the end of the year, what the thoughts of that Resident Assistant are about the job.

I have to say now that I am still so glad about volunteering myself to answer questions and hopefully help Dr. Longwell-Grice because by doing so I realized that my idea of the job did in fact actually change.

In my opinion, the student body has to deal with the perception, and more importantly, the preconceived notions of what school is. Unfortunately, to deal with the preconceived notions entails a philosophical debate that could take days, or an entire book, to simply come to an “agree to disagree” viewpoint.

So, the logical step to investigate? I say, lets look at a schools mission statement. Let us try the University of Delaware since I went there:

The central mission of the University of Delaware is to cultivate both learning and the free exchange of ideas. To this end, the University provides excellent undergraduate and graduate courses of study in a variety of disciplines. Our graduates should know how to reason critically and independently yet collaborate productively. They should understand the cultural and physical world, communicate clearly in writing and speech, and develop into informed citizens and leaders.

That was not the entire mission statement, but trust me that the rest is simply a garbled reiteration of the school’s history.

Now, please, I dare you to name me five students whom you knew - other than me - who cared about a mission statement like the one from the University of Delaware. Students, or applicants, pre-conceived notions of college have less to do with a college’s mission statement than they do with MTV and what happened on the last season of Laguna Beach. By the way, if you’re looking for someone who is going to be a new student at a college who actually does care about a mission statement, then look no further than Ben Casnocha. But Ben is the exception, hardly the consensus.

Naturally, Resident Assistants being employed by the school are (and in my opinion, should be) there to facilitate the mission statement of the school. The problem is that they are trying to facilitate a mission that only a minority of the students subscribes to.

However, the job doesn’t become a facilitation of the mission statement. And by the way, the supervisors (hall directors and the bloody like) will evaluate on that observed merit, but that is not what the job becomes. The University becomes a nanny state, and the RAs its officers. On top, we end up having a bureaucratic regime that tries to achieve goals that can never be achieved because they don’t involve alcohol.

In fact, that bureaucratic regime known as ResLife emboldens and enables itself to think it can do anything. Let me put it to you this way, if I were running a private university, my policy on catching residents with alcohol, I report it the local police and let them handle it. Of course, the problem with that is they reside on University property, BUT what if they are 18 and older? They are adults and the University does not and should not employ people to be nannies, but that is what RAs all end up becoming. In the end, ResLife in all its inherent wisdom decides to take this process internally, and I’ll tell you why.

The reason why the University has an internal judicial system and forces, and I’ll repeat that, forces the Resident Assistants to “write up” for “alcohol violations” by making it part of the job duties is because by doing so, you’re putting many regular students in a position to enforce law, which is not what we’re all cut out to be. So, because of the reluctance of students to (1) get others in trouble and (2) Have fear of retaliation from people who live next to you, you end up having a system that lets people off the hook, or is so taxing on the Resident Assistant, that they only choose to “write up” perpetrators every so often. When we realize that the situation I just described is, in fact, what is going on, it is only then we realize why ResLife keeps it internal. There is no way to properly police all the violations going on. And if all the violations were caught, scores more students would be suspended, or expelled, which is not the proper image to garner favor with parents for their child’s attendance, hence, you lose money.

On being a Resident Assistant, I will always say that the job is only a small part a way to enrich students’ lives, but rather moreover about trying to make sure they don’t kill themselves. I’ll give you an economic analogy to work with here. The University of Delaware works by its mission statement; of the wonderful professors I have met, I have no doubt that the University of Delaware takes that mission statement seriously. However, every college in the nation needs attendance, and it seems that many school provosts choose to the path of least resistance in order for prospective students to attend their schools. That is to say, they let the preconceived notions reign high, let the expulsion rate be as it is, and let the money keep coming in.

And like a true market, the product (school) is what we want it to be. And obviously, education is not the only product on the table at a college or university. I think it might be a downfall, but you may see another opinion. And if you do, then it seems you’re getting exactly what you want, and pay for, out of school. Maybe I just placed a different value on my money, and its purpose, than you did.

Spring Break

As a kid who never went anywhere during spring break, not once, it’s important for me to find out what I missed. And thanks to this article from the Washington Post, I’ve found out that what I missed by never “attending” a spring break was pure and simple: marketing.

And this all reminds me of one of my most favorite songs by the band Cake, “Rock ‘n’ Roll Lifestyle:

Excess ain't rebellion.
You're drinking what they're selling.
Your self-destruction doesn't hurt them.
Your chaos won't convert them.
They're so happy to rebuild it.

You'll never really kill it.

I guess I was just never that cool to have the rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle. Or, maybe I had realized at a young age that my actions would never have an economic impact to change the course of corporate America, or let alone the realization from the song by Cake that the actions that young persons perceive as “rebellious” do nothing to affect corporate America, and may as well play into the marketing they provide. I would venture to say they are merely being rebellious against their parents’ rules.

More on Social Networking

Via Andrew Sullivan. The demise of My Space might soon be upon us. I can't wait.

Worth a Thousand Words

I had recently made a new friend who reminded me of my college days when I enjoyed a few of the art exhibits at the University of Delaware (Paul R. Jones is a major contributor there).

Today’s picture of the day at Wikipedia is a famous photograph taken by Gordon Parks of a government cleaning woman. I’m still always amazed at how a picture can speak a thousand words.

(picture via Wikipedia from Library of Congress Prints and Photographs Division, Farm Security Administration - Office of War Information Photograph Collection. http://hdl.loc.gov/loc.pnp/fsa.8b14845)

Arnold Kling and Blogs

In this post from Arnold Kling, Arnold makes mention about what attracts his reading eye to certain blogs.

I've noticed that one of the characteristics that is common to a lot of blogs I like is that they have a "thinking out loud" feel to them.

I can only imagine that if my writing were anymore “stream of consciousness,” I would have the majority of my posts deal with the topic of the Cookie Monster’s origins and if he really had any seething hatred for Big Bird.

Websites Popping Up Everywhere

Apparently, these days you’re not cool unless you’re on the Internet. I have some old friends from college who have put up their own website, called “Closed Concepts.” I’m not exactly sure what the purpose of the site is yet, but it looks like they’re uninformed just as much as I am. Being they say that this is part of an “e-journey toward e-enlightenment,” I’m thinking we’ll all find out their purpose together.

However, to the core of the matter… Economically speaking, since the cost of publishing yourself on the Internet is free, why not do it? And if you can afford the money to have your own domain, then these instances of having your friends put up websites for purposes that we’re not sure of will probably continue to occur. Like I said, at this cost, maybe the question isn’t why, but why not?

However, running and maintaining the website and continuously makings posts or providing new content requires time and/or money. So, that ends up being a cost. As I’ve seen personally, my friend Will has been studying and working so hard at Loyola that we’ve rarely seen an update from Blogicology.

In fact, if you yourself wonder what makes a website (or more relevantly, a blog) awesome, then check out this post from Scott Ginsberg.

Robots are the Future

In case any of you were worried that you might get too drunk to make that favorite drink of yours, there's good news on the horizon.

My favorite quote:

"And if you have a robot that talks to you and insults you...you can be sure that people won't forget him," Calkinds said. "Of course, I could build a robot that irons shirts or something, and that would be just as difficult. But having a cocktail robot is just much more fun, and even if your robot doesn't work, you still have a party."

This is part of where the future is taking us, unfortunately, I don't drink alcohol. Although, I'm sure they could program them for milkshakes.

Speed of Information

Last night I started reading this research paper by Matt Gentzkow and Jesse Shapiro. It’s quite interesting; I’ll give you my take on it tomorrow.

I thought I was ahead of the curve by subscribing to NBER’s mailing list, but as I found out just now, Steven Levitt already knew about the paper. It reminded me of the speed of information in today’s world.

Gravel Girls

This calendar is another great cause. It’s to help support the Wales Air Ambulance that many rally drivers and co-drivers depend on in Wales.

And about the gravel girls: I am glad to see so many women participating in rallying as I just wrote about the topic of women in racing earlier.

Online Arguments

Just as I have been posting about Digg in all their glory, and as I love to talk about how people comment in pretty harsh ways sometimes, this Dilbert cartoon came across me this past week…

More on Digg

So, part of why fights happen on Digg is because of one user accusing another of “gaming the system.” Peter Abilla explains this all very well. He also links to his previous articles on Digg.

Here is his conclusion:

Digg is an economy. Votes represent demand and articles
represent a non-infinite, but exceedingly large supply of articles. Incentives are important in any economy and explain human behavior very well. Incentives can also control behavior that is less desirable, as can be found on sites like Digg and Netscape. The invisible hand on Digg is crippled — the emphasis on being democratic is misguided, since democracies have problems, as is the case with Digg; because of the problems on Digg, hence, Kevin Rose has implemented regulation in the forms of Algorithms and Policies. But, such regulatory measures, in the long run, do not work. What will work, is to use the notion of incentives to curb undesirable behavior. As a consequence, however, here might be fewer votes, but the votes will truly count. Moreover, this might be another revenue model for sites like Digg, which currently rely on an ad-based model.

Economically, this sort of paradigm may make me a communist for my support of Google News.

(A tip of my hat goes to Stephen Dubner for pointing this out.)

Speaking of College

In relation to my post yesterday about college education, please read this article by George Will at The Washington Post. Not that it’s a homework assignment, but as usual George Will points out another specific inefficiency in America. This time, Will focuses in on college sports; most notably football and the peculiar fact that they get tax exempt status for a significant portion of their monies even though many of the goals that they state are never really accomplished.

To illustrate his point, George Will writes:

How does the NCAA fulfill its proclaimed purpose of maintaining "the athlete as an integral part of the student body"? Only 55 percent of football players and 38 percent of basketball players at Division I-A schools graduate. The New York Times has reported that at Auburn, a perennial football power, many athletes have received "high grades from the same professor for sociology and criminology courses that required no attendance and little work." Eighteen members of the undefeated 2004 team took a combined 97 hours of those courses while at Auburn. Who believes such behavior is confined to Auburn?

I hope one day to be as excellent a commentator as George Will is, or as excellent an economist as Greg Mankiw, but for now I’ll let them do what they do best. Also, I’d just love to see somewhat try to refute the pose that Will makes in his column. I’m not good enough to do it, plus I agree with him.

Even Better

In case anyone thought that people had given up on improving Wikipedia…don’t fear. According to CNET, co-founder Larry Sanger is coming out with a rival site called, Citizendium. Sanger said, said. "There are a number of problems with the system that can be solved, and by solving those we can end up with an even better massive encyclopedia."

Well, if it’s going to be even better, I can’t wait. Although, I can only imagine the kind of incentive someone would have trying to change an article (it will be much harder apparently in Citizendium) so that it can portray the truth that they wish it to.

A Worthy Cause

Last weekend’s Bike to the Bay Tour was brought to my attention by an old friend who participated. What a wonderful effort and a worthy cause. If you’ve been a reader of mine since the beginning then you’ll understand that I enjoy when people themselves participate for awesome causes. It’s always a wonderful reminder of how citizens can always pull together and make a significant contribution to benefit others.

And so, to my friend Mike Beris, way to go!

The ExhibitioNet (Term by Robert Samuelson)

I like talking about social networking sites. I find online networking different and interesting; although the truth is that I do not participate on those social networking sites. Robert Samuelson writes:

But the ExhibitioNet is more than a marketing tool. The same impulse that inspires people to spill their guts on "Jerry Springer" or to participate in "reality TV" shows (MTV's "The Real World" and its kin) has now found a mass outlet. MySpace aims at an 18-to-34-year-old audience; many of the pages are proudly raunchy. U.S. News & World Report recently described MySpace as "Lake Wobegon gone horribly wrong: a place where all the women are fast [and] the men are hard-drinking."

Thank you Robert. In his column, he explains some of the poses that I spoke of when I posted on the topic in Blogicology. Of course in his column, Samuelson is far better researched, easy to read, and well, frankly, credible.

Two Points about Digg

I am going to try and illustrate two points in one post today with the help of this link to a politically-related article on Digg.

The comments about that article help articulate my ongoing fear of blogging about politics. Simply put, much of the comments on that Digg page don’t really add to the political discourse. On that note, I would like to address one specific comment that stated, “Reason #234555 why you keep losing elections. You guys find the Daily Show and the Daily Kos to be a good place for talking points.”

I just have two minor disagreements with that comment. First, the real reason why Democrats lose elections (otherwise known as, “Blue States Lose”) was already stated here (and is continuously stated every Friday might I add). Second, while using the Daily Kos and the Daily Show for “talking points” may be a bad idea (I’m not weighing in and saying that they are bad or good, just conceding the chance that this person’s comment might be right), that comment still doesn’t add to the political discourse.

I’m guessing most people on Digg might not want to and/or try to write in a different manner because they might get even more flak for a more demure writing style. I.e., “You think you’re better than us?” or “Just because you write it nicely and suggest different points of view doesn’t mean you’re right.” The bottom line is that no matter what you (or I) say and how you say it, people are going to get really angry. As I’ve found out, even when you make fun of yourself to try and illustrate how all the reading you’ve been doing is for a reason, people still find some nasty things (go more towards the bottom) to write in order to “help you.”

My number two point in this post is to simply tell anyone who reads this blog that the reason why I link to Google news is because I personally prefer it’s distribution of news in the sense that you don’t have to deal with a 50-50 battle royal of people yelling at the top of their lungs how the story is wrong or right.

Also, while I admit that I tried to portray a serious tone in this post, I also concede that if you’re looking for some fun, or something to chuckle at, please go and watch everyone duke it out on the comments sections of some of these Digg pages. Obviously, for the best yelling matches, I recommend these two sections at Digg.